You, too, can be insane

Here are six easy steps you can take today!

1. Tell your cows to stop burping. Billionaire Bill Gates believes one of the solutions to combat climate change is to stop cows from burping methane. Gates invested in a startup company in Australia that is exploring dietary supplements for cows in an effort to contain ‘greenhouse gas emissions.’

2. Don't paint your house white. Is white paint racist? Norway’s University of Bergen is exploring that question, asking how the aesthetic of white paint helped the nation contribute to white supremacy and helped “[make] the world whiter.”

3. Don't plan on dying in Germany. Germany has some of the most liberal euthanasia laws in the world but German clinics have a line they just won’t cross – they won’t kill any patients that haven’t been vaccinated against COVID-19.

4. Stop using Times New Roman. Secretary of State Antony Blinken ordered all employees of the State Department to end the use of Times New Roman font in official documents, claiming that using such a font would undermine the department’s efforts towards “disability inclusion.”

5.  Worry about the weather. A climate change activist diagnosed with eco-anxiety has requested a medically assisted death. Breen’s doctor diagnosed him with eco-anxiety and biosphere-related depression. 

6. Teach your dog to type. Ketih Olbermann is using a dog account on Twitter to go after Elon Musk's mother.

"We live in an age in which it is no longer possible to be funny. There is nothing you can imagine, no matter how ludicrous, that will not promptly be enacted before your very eyes, probably by someone well known."
~ Malcolm Muggeridge

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