You, too, can save the planet

We all want to participate in saving our planet. Here's how.

1. Skip your morning coffee. If you do enjoy it, don't wash your mug.
Limiting your contribution to climate change requires an adapted diet, and coffee is no exception. Choosing a mode of coffee preparation that emits less GHGs and moderating your consumption are part of the solution. At the consumer level, beyond reducing coffee consumption, avoiding wasting coffee and water is the most effective way to reduce the carbon footprint of traditional, brewed and soluble coffees.

2. For breakfast, use Bill Gates' artificial eggs.

The egg of the future may not involve a chicken at all. In fact, in the high-tech food lab at Hampton Creek Foods in San Francisco, the chicken-less egg substitute has already been hatched. And why does this matter? Well, investors like Gates are betting that our planet can't sustain the current rate of growth in animal-based foods for too much longer.

3. For lunch, prepare some termites.

Termites are one of the tastiest forms of protein available on the planet. Termites are best toasted or lightly fried until they are slightly crisp. Since their body is rich in oil, very little or no additional oil is needed. Soldier termites can be coaxed from their tunnels by probing their mounds with long reeds which they clamp onto.

4. Move your gas stove to your front porch.

CNN Chief Climate Correspondent Bill Weir: “The science is showing us that having a gas stove, in a small apartment especially, with bad ventilation, is like having a car idling there,” he said. “If you have young kids, it can affect cognitive abilities, as well as asthma."Nevermind that what Weir said is not remotely true — no science shows that having a gas stove is “like having a car idling” in your apartment.

5. Don't go anywhere.

NASA study from 2010 showed that automobiles were the world’s largest net contributor to climate change pollution.Until we make a complete switch to renewable energy sources, electric cars won’t be a reliable alternative either. If electric cars are using energy from coal to re-charge, they might be creating more emissions than traditional cars that runs on gasoline.

6. Kil yourself.

A climate change activist diagnosed with eco-anxiety has requested a medically assisted death. Breen’s doctor diagnosed him with eco-anxiety and biosphere-related depression. He told Vice his condition had become “debilitating.” Besides, your betters want you off the planet.

Have a nice day!


"We live in an age in which it is no longer possible to be funny. There is nothing you can imagine, no matter how ludicrous, that will not promptly be enacted before your very eyes, probably by someone well known."
~ Malcolm Muggeridge

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